bethemedia, Wonder Showzen, avatar

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Ever Tried to Write Poetry?

Ever Tried to write poetry?
Ever tried to write a poem?
It always has to look different, doesn't it?

Wonder why.

I suppose it's to make it seem more important

by writing it on more space than necessary.

Those poor trees. How they must hate Keats.

If this ever gets printed, I'm going to tree-hell.

I flicked through a book of poetry recently.

It was so full of space I thought it was a notebook.
bethemedia, Wonder Showzen, avatar

Famous Last Words

A site that collects Death Row inmates' last words makes for compelling reading. Mostly consisting of diguised apology and sometimes genuine realisation, one in particular, no doubt rehearsed, stuck out to me:

"We all know what really happened, but there are some things you just can't fight. Little people always seem to get squashed. It happens. ... There is no man that is free from all evil, nor any man that is so evil to be worth nothing. "

— David Castillo, executed in Texas on Aug. 23, 1998

It strikes me as odd and a little eerie that the last words of a man condemned to die hold both the seeds of equality, and the belief that on a level we are all bad to various degrees.

More here:

Happy (weird) reading.
bethemedia, Wonder Showzen, avatar

TV License - Temporary Exemptions?

An actual letter sent to the beloved TV License department in Britain


Dears Sirs,

Please let me explain the situation. I have been living in a shared
house with a television owned by another tenant. This tenant has
recently moved out, taking the television with him. Accordingly, when
you contacted me to renew my license I declined your offer.

However, I have since obtained another, older, television set which I am
not sure will function adequately. Since I do not have a license, I am
unable at home to determine whether the appliance will tune correctly,
without violating the Communications Act 2003, as I understand it.

This situation leads to the following two questions:

1.  If I decide to leave the television set unused (it has been
unplugged, and the aerial has been separated from the appliance), do I
need to inform the relevant authorities, or perhaps apply for a license
NOT to watch television broadcasts - I hope this would be cheaper?

2.  Is there any way to obtain a temporary exemption from the Act, say
for 30 minutes, solely to determine the operational state of the
television set? I am sure you understand that I do not wish to commit
over one hundred pounds before I have this information. I would try to
ensure no enjoyment will be made of broadcasts received during this
period. Perhaps if you could broadcast a 'test card' page for a time in
the middle of the night, this would be sufficient.

I await your kind response. Please note that I do not intend to use
games consoles or video equipment with this television set - a category
which is adequately covered on your excellent website.

Yours faithfully,
bethemedia, Wonder Showzen, avatar

Rum and Coca Cola

If you ever go down Trinidad
They make you feel so very glad
Calypso sing and make up rhyme
Guarantee you one real good fine time

Drinkin' rum and Coca-Cola
Go down Point Koomahnah
Both mother and daughter
Workin' for the Yankee dollar

Oh, beat it man, beat it

Since the Yankee come to Trinidad
They got the young girls all goin' mad
Young girls say they treat 'em nice
Make Trinidad like paradise

Drinkin' rum and Coca-Cola
Go down Point Koomahnah
Both mother and daughter
Workin' for the Yankee dollar

Oh, you vex me, you vex me

From Chicachicaree to Mona's Isle
Native girls all dance and smile
Help soldier celebrate his leave
Make every day like New Year's Eve

Drinkin' rum and Coca-Cola
Go down Point Koomahnah
Both mother and daughter
Workin' for the Yankee dollar

It's a fact, man, it's a fact

In old Trinidad, I also fear
The situation is mighty queer
Like the Yankee girl, the native swoon
When she hear der Bingo croon

Drinkin' rum and Coca-Cola
Go down Point Koomahnah
Both mother and daughter
Workin' for the Yankee dollar

Out on Manzanella Beach
G.I. romance with native peach
All night long, make tropic love
Next day, sit in hot sun and cool off

Drinkin' rum and Coca-Cola
Go down Point Koomahnah
Both mother and daughter
Workin' for the Yankee dollar

It's a fact, man, it's a fact

Rum and Coca-Cola
Rum and Coca-Cola
Workin' for the Yankee dollar
bethemedia, Wonder Showzen, avatar

International Talk Like A Pirate Day

Is Today!

And accordingly, Livejournal have switched their Update Journal button for 'Update Captain's Log.'

Very Good.

Shivver Me Timbers.

Anyone downloading music illegally should talk like this all the time. Arf Arf.

Or should that be ARRRRRRRRRRRFFFFF?
bethemedia, Wonder Showzen, avatar

Browzar - Idiots writing testaments about web security

Browzar, a web based shell programme that fits over Internet Explorer, and isn't really a browser, launched with a lot of fuss and kafuffle the other day. Why? Because it blocks you using Google, is in cahoots with Pay Per Click Sites, does nothing to protect privacy and is generally a pile of lies. Yes.
But the ‘Testaments’ on the Browzar site are possibly the most self-defeatingly funny bits of writing from this week. Have a look:
“I just tried auto-complete on my wife’s computer and got:  Hitler, Nazi marching, air raid, blitzkrieg, infantry German, Nazi rally, Wehmacht infantry, Wehrmach rally... If she wasn’t a history teacher I’d be quite worried.”
DICKHEAD. So from this we can deduce:
a)       You suspect your wife for no reason, as she is doing what she does anyway. Being a teacher. Teaching idiots like you that can't spell Wehrmacht correctly even once in a sentence, or even the same each time.
b)       As you admit, there is nothing dodgy about her use of the internet - something you can't conclusively prove from her search results.
c)       From b) you can deduce that you cannot jump to conclusions about people based on their search history.
Ask Google – hell, Ask Ask! (Sorry, couldn’t resist.) There’s a reason why they’re not giving the Feds the world’s search info. YOU CANNOT JUDGE PEOPLE ON REASONABLE INTERNET USE. And if the sort of person who is doing really dodgy stuff (like illegal malicious, terror) is using Browzar to get away with it, is that a good product to have out there? So we’re suspecting our wives on one hand, and letting paedo-monsters get away with it on the other? This isn’t security.
“I used to think that the only single girl in the office was hot until auto-complete told me that her most frequent search was ‘stretch marks’.”
Yeah? And? So? What? Did she sprout a second head? If you are going to think she’s hot for superficial reasons, something I admit I have been party to, then why do you care about her searches? How did you find them out, you stalker cock? Wow, she’s not worthy of your weird ass, is she?
Last year, my sister was using my (single) Dad's computer and tried searching her name (which begins with "V"). Good old auto complete came up with "Viagra", turns out that my dad has been buying Viagra.
Yeah, everyone knows it’s plain wrong for older men, or anyone who’s older than the uptight teenager who wrote this to ever engage in any kind of sexual activity. So we shouldn’t need Browzar then…
At the bottom it invites you to share your own story via

I suggest you write the most absurd story  you can think of. Go on. Send the best fake ones to me too so I can laugh about it.

Come to think of it, maybe the ones on the site are faked anyway? Oh, no way...

bethemedia, Wonder Showzen, avatar

Actual Hate-mail sent to a T-shirt site. (NSFW)


From: Ryanne

You know the world could live with out a t shirt with a bird finger on it. But what is really sick is your company's blasphamy of Jesus Christ. How dispicable! I guess your company and the people who are employed by Prick do not care if they are going to hell and how many people they take with them. God is real whether or not you believe in Him or not. Stop running from the truth. You can tell me to go F myself if you would like. It does not hurt my feelings. I just hope I am standing next to every one of you in heaven when you tell God to go F Himself. He rewards those for their good works and lets the demons drag those who betray Him off to Hell. No retorical comment you could ever make can even compare to the pain you all will face if you don't change your life.

PW: Yes the world COULD live without that t-shirt, but do you really think it wants to? Right now we have little Honduran kids working 18 hours a day to make a t-shirt big enough for the whole Earth to wear--scientists assure us it will also be useful in covering that big hole in the ozone. Maybe Jesus will even be able to see it from Heaven! Anyway, I would never tell you to F yourself, it'd be terrible to only be with yourself for your first time. When we do meet in line at Heaven you will recognize me by the shirt I wear. And you can see me challenge God to an arm wrestling match before he has those demons drag me off to Hell. What an all-forgiving and loving God you worship! By the way, you confused words: It's GRAVITY that is real whether you believe in it or not, not God silly!


From: Inertiable

Initially I got on your site and was pretty well amused, then I read your "Fuck You Monthly" section. I find it pretty hypocritical to have a site set up making fun of corporations, politions, and religion for making people conform. Though if anyone doesn't agree with you as far as religion goes you label them as misguided idiots. Hell where are your shirts insulting hindus' and buddhist, they believe in a better place and in being guided by higher beings as well. Just because other people choose to live their lives believing in something higher then themselves doesn't mean they want to break down your door and force it down your throat. Try not being so ignorant in your beliefs expand your mind to include other cultures in it.

PW: I have a hard time believing that you made it through our site being amused only to become offended by our comments in the Fuck You Monthly section. Were you just looking at the pretty colors on our site and not reading what any of our shirts said? Don't be a retard, people that don't agree with us aren't labeled as misguided idiots except when they write in and make an intellectual fool of themselves. Even if I could completely disregard your run-on sentences and poor grammar I don't think I would ever consider you intelligent enough to know what the word proselytize means, let alone have any type of meaningful conversation about why BECAUSE OF THIS WORD Christians are just so darn easy to poke fun at. Next time I come across an article that quotes leaders of Buddhist communities claiming that a natural disaster is directly linked to the number of abortions that country sees each year (Thank you Pat Robertson), I will gladly make you a t-shirt that says "Buddhists Are Stupid Too". Until then stop calling me ignorant, you ignant shit.


From: A Little Dirty

i think its pretty lame of you to discurage god and all.. what has he done to you? he gave you life. he gave you the chance to make something of your self, and all you do is make money off of people that hate him too.. one day my friend, your going to get yours, whether it be you children or what ever, he will stricke you, and you will put out a clothing line for Christians... THEN and ONLY then will me and my jewish church buy your clothing... but untill then, i wish you the best of luck, and i will see you in the after life my love.. toodles :)

PW: You're pretty funny. I'm pretty sure in this hypothetical world you so deftly painted for us Jesus would never ever let us sell our Christian products to your dirty, Jesus killing church.

I love really bad hatemail. I love the way it undermines the subject's point the more angry it becomes. Notice how those prone to irrationality and anger tend to be of the religious ilk - coincidence? Ask the 'guy on a stick' who died because of them - the view from the cross will have been filled with people like those writing above.

Chill out.

Get a T shirt.

How about his one?

bethemedia, Wonder Showzen, avatar

Most Inappropriate Song at a Funeral

Come on Gang - some fun for you, and a little interaction with fiction writing. I'm co-writing a short story on organising one's own funeral and I need some suggestions for the worst/most inappropriate songs to hear at a funeral ceremony.

A few years ago someone told me they were at 'one of the most touching' funerals ever - they played Run Away Train by Soul Asylum as the coffin went into the pit to be burned up.

I've never laughed so much in my life.

I was thinking Man in the Box by Alice in Chains would be a good one. Considering also that the singer is now dead...

Suggestions via the comments page please.